Current mood:	crazy
Current music:	All These Things I've Done (the Killers)

The Essential Guide to Surviving the Pinoy Medical Board Exams
1. Read Baby Nelson’s, then Del Mundo, twice if you’d like, remember to highlight…and then once done, burn your books to dust.

You’ll soon discover you wasted your time.

2. Watch “Game ka na ba”… you’ll probably learn that Ramses was the first to die of small pox.

Why the hell was that question even there?

Well…why the hell did they wear high-heels with sports socks during the 80’s? (hmmm….)

3. For anatomy read “BRS”, compare it with “high-yield anatomy”, mark similar pages with that semi-translucent sticker…thingies…and then (here’s the most crucial part)…tear all the marked pages.

Believe me, you won’t need them.

4. Learn the art of “extreme test-taking”:

X-treme Test-taking:

Level 1: Position yourself beside an extremely (like I said X-TREME!) large window without curtains, take your practice test from 7am – 4pm (Yes, including midday…the very reason why sunblock was conceived)
The Challenge: finishing the test before your oncogenes decide that squamous cell carcinoma is the way to go.
The Plus side: That minute minority (let’s be hypothetical) that were completely clueless of your self-imposed scholastic exile, might actually think that you had been drinking up the sun at wonderful Boracay when they see you (OMG you actually have a life!)
The fix: Put on a ton of sunblock…Bring a gallon of agua… and any large piece of cloth, preferably the size of a mural. It may come in very handy.

Level 2: Same as above…with the addition of a recording of “DVD…DVD…” repetitively playing in the background. To be realistic, don’t forget to include the sound of multiple TV’s running different movies simultaneously.
The Challenge: fighting the urge to go on a DVD purchasing frenzy before getting to question number 100, of the third exam.
The Plus side: When (or if) you do get to finish the test, you won’t be walking out of the room confused and distraught. By that time you would have decided… a) “The Lord of the Rings”… b) “The Matrix”… c) “X-Men 2”…d) All of the above…they’re just 65 pesos each!
The fix: Bring P500.00, you can rest assured to have a DVD galore by the end of the exam, thus helping you focus on the real task at hand…i.e. to obtain a license and not the entire season of “24”

Level 3: Before going through levels 1 and 2, climb about ten flights of stairs.
The Challenge: Getting to the top floor with your stock of knowledge intact, and your stock…ready for the physical and (let’s not forget) mental torture that is to follow.
The Plus side: When you’re done with the four freakin’ days of getting scorched and dehydrated, not to mention emotionally and mentally battered (aka the Phil Licensure Exam)…you’ve lost weight and toned you bum…you have a perfect tan…and you have an entire DVD collection for only P500.00!
The Fix: humans are truly adaptable animals…you’ll be fine.

5. Sleep. After the exam you’ll suddenly hate yourself for not listening to that little voice in your head...and, consequently, hate that little voice in your head incessantly nagging you with “I told you so!”

6. Pharma…sorry no advice can save you.

7. Pathology: Read Papa Robbins from cover to cover, especially (and this I underscore) those that are NOT highlighted, NOR printed in bold, those that are in the boxes, and those that are NOT…in other words…I am sorry the examiners are cruel…because (hello, what do we have here?!) they really ARE.

8. Think like an examiner…

Blah blah blah is…
a) NOT = false
b) NOT+EXCEPT = true
c) NOT + Except + NOT = false
d) All of which + Except=false
e) All of which +Except + BUT= true
f) All of which…= Oh damn! He’s bluffing!

9. Be understanding of human frailties, and tolerant of differences in perspectives. For others, anatomy means urology…physiology means medicine…preventive medicine means ethics…pedia means neurosurg and somehow synonymous with nephrology…and microbiology means the Medical Technologist Licensure Exam.

10. Medicine: Study physio…

11.Physio: Study medicine…

12. Surgery: Don’t study

13. Last but of utmost importance PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!! Do not doubt the power of divine intervention!

And after all has been done, realize that this examination is not the true measure of what kind of physician you will be. People are not a set of questions, to be treated by choosing the BEST answer. They are beings diagnosed by empathy and healed by compassion.

The true test is “living” what you’ve chosen to become.

To all doctors and would-be MDs…the best of luck.