Current location:	in between moods
Current mood:	indescribable
Current music:	wind by akeboshi

From a Seedy Place Known as my Backyard I call out to Freud
This is crazy.

But I miss being exhausted. I miss waking up so dead tired that yanking myself out of bed required the willpower to scale Everest. I miss having my senses dulled from recurrent sleep deprivation to the point that even intravenous caffeine would do little to kick my neurons back to life. I miss feeling like macerated crap after 36 hours of duty content with the knowledge that it would be another 72 hours before I'd feel that way again. Leaving that hell-hole known as the ER, i'd bid a perfunctory farewell...sayonara suckers!

I miss being numb.

This reprieve has been much too long. My ego is repeatedly and visciously being mangled and mauled by dreams of having my teeth fall one after the other as I try helplessly to unlock my jaw so I could spit them all out. And in every dream, I try to salvage what is left of decaying enamels, washing them with tap water only to watch them dissolve like loosened grime. Repression, has its drawbacks. Apparently, defense mechanisms only run on battery-packs called STRESS.

I try to remember what my internship year was like, the sad thing is, I don't remember. People remain nameless, and faces have become a montage of transitory encounters shelved off in some dark, unvisited, walled-off corner in the unconscious. And, like a festering abscess, it'll rear its ugly head some day until I become emotionally cachectic.

I feel so far removed.

I hate it. Hate it because it coaxes me to think, to ponder, to consider.

So, I question, without ending with the approriate punctuation mark. I'd rather leave it as it is.

Unanswered.